and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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