We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
He kissed a someone with a penis
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
