I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
