He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
