shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
