I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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