Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
