Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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