Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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