I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
