I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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