I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
