i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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