i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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