you would pick up someone in the library
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
