I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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