Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
