I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
