Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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