i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
