she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
