glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
