sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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