What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
