fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
