Pappa wants mamma naked
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You've changed since you got that strap on
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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