I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
