HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
