piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i think i just lost a toe
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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