you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
