Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
