I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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