Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
