did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Randomize
