24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
