I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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