she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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