That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
