I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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