dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
