i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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