I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Randomize
