ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
