I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
