remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
