sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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