the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
