Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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