It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
