Someone shit on the floor
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
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