Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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