I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
