Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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