Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Damn victory sex feels great
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
