can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
