we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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