you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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